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Esther Perel: The communication error we all make

A highlight of a Big Think interview with Esther Perel on how to improve our communication skills and bring more humanity to our interactions, especially the hard ones.


“When you listen to me the first thing I need to know is that I have your attention. The second thing I need to know is that maybe you can acknowledge the validity of my point of view. That doesn’t mean you agree with my point of view, but my point of view makes sense. And potentially you may even empathize with my point of view. You can understand why I would think or feel or experience things the way I do.

That reflecting back, acknowledging, validating, empathizing. That sequence is where the depth of communication takes place.

Because ultimately if I speak to you and in the end, I leave feeling even more alone, I’m literally in an existential crisis. There is nothing worse than to be alone in the presence of another.”

Esther Perel


Note: for some reason, the original video interview is not online anymore, so I can't link to it.

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